Blow

21-12-2009

One of the things about me is this, I don't drink. It is a combination of it not being something that I ever considered or found a desire to do and that I have a slightly dodgy heart and upon reading up on the problem with this somewhat important organ I found that drink is very bad for it. So I don't drink.

Not that I think I am missing out. With the price of a glass of coke being nearly the same as a pint of beer it makes me feel included in the all round "Rip Off" drinking culture that exists.

But one of the things I love is the garda checkpoints, because I would be the one rare case of a person that could possibly result in them having a negative number on the breath-test machine. I have encountered a few checkpoints over the years.

The first one I ever encountered was when dropping a work mate home after a night out. The garda just wanted to check tax and insurance (because at this point in time the NCT did not give you more penalty points than drink driving, or speeding, or knocking a person down) and I had that all in order. Despite the best efforts of the co-worker shouting at the garda to check my NCT disc (I had the old one still in the slot even though it was out of date by many moons).

My second meeting with them occurred that same night as it happens. I was driving home on my own and as I headed into Lucan village I saw a checkpoint up ahead. Now, at that exact moment I got a phone call. Any call at three in the morning is either very important or somebody drunk and acting the prat, but I did the right thing and pulled into a space, parked, and took the call.

A squad car raced up the road from the checkpoint and boxed me in. An old garda and a young one inside, the young one jumping out with his torch and waving it around all my vehicle discs. The old garda asked me had I been drinking, I told him I never did, he laughed, I blowed (into the machine you dirty bastard) and he went "oh, fair enough".

The young garda, clearly looking to get something on me, pointed out the NCT was out of the date. The old man replied that that was alright and to leave it alone. They asked why I had parked, I explained I had a phone call to take.

I reckon they were surprised that I was after pulling in to take a phone call. The young garda was definitely eager to get me for something but since I was doing everything by the book and it was three in the morning the old garda told him to calm down and let me go on my way.

Then during the course of this year I played "hide and go seek" with garda checkpoints the country over. Mainly because my NCT was out of date, my test was seven months away and Dickhead Dempsey (you might recall I don't like that guy) had decided that a car with no NCT was worth more penalty points than if you killed somebody. Because that makes perfect sense, it really does.

Dickhead.

Anyway after that game ended with me getting an NCT I purposely went out hunting for checkpoints to show them my new disc. It took me five months to find one, but I found them.

Last night was my most recent checkpoint encounter. See I was at dinner with the family, where the mother got engaged to this Welsh fellow that is a glutton for punishment it seems (hardy har har) and myself and the girlfriend bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate the night's event. I was allowed a small glass of champagne to join in with everyone else (bastards thinking of my heart before my fun).

The drive home was uneventful until I decided, by way of silly conversation, about drink driving limits. I didn't think that I was actually anywhere near a limit after the tiny glass that I had but I joked that it would be funny that the first time I ever had a "drink" then drove home would result in meeting a checkpoint.

Lo and behold we saw just that. At first I thought they were checking discs and the like because cars were being waved through. But they got one look at me and my youthful (stop laughing) face behind the wheel of the car and straight away it was pull in and blow into this.

Of course I passed without issue, was told that I had a break light blown and could I please fix that, and to have a nice evening.

But what are the chances? Really? First time getting behind the wheel with any trace of drink in me and the boys are out in force.

Madness.

Blue_jester