What I Did On My Holidays


Just back from a week in Spain and man am I relaxed.

Now, for those that don't know, I am not what you would call a "sun holiday" kinda guy. This is due in a very large part to the fact that my skin is only one evolutionary step ahead of a vampire. Any sort of strong sunlight (as in anything during the summer months in Ireland, which is pretty weak sun to be honest) is likely to result in me getting sun burned. It's just that bad. Only a few weeks ago while having coffee with a mate in his back garden did I manage to get sunburn on my arms and face. That was only after two hours.

Ah the joys of being ginger. :)

So, when it comes to holidays, mine usually don't involve picking a hot place with a pool and staying put for seven days. But myself and the lady friend have been not only burning our own candles at both ends but bought a candle factor and set the whole thing on fire. That's how busy it has been. Between work, family, job hunting, family, comedy, family...you get the point.

When it came to booking a holiday it was agreed that we both needed one where you do nothing. So Spain was booked. An all inclusive deal (food and drink covered in the cost of the hotel for the week solid) that fit the bill rightly. One stop at Woodies DIY for some Dulux Outdoor Paint (that will keep you covered for up to five years) in lieu of super strong sun cream and off we went.

It was just what the doctor ordered. The hotel was really nice, aside from one factor and one incident that shall be discussed later. The pool was fantastic, they had parasols for providing shade. Overall we just relaxed by the pool side sipping cool drinks while reading and doing nothing at all according to a time table. Spending quality time with the lady friend is always a good thing, doing it when she is A) relaxed herself and B) not able to be contacted by work and you have a winning combination right there.

The incident that sort of sullied the trip? Well, as any traveller will know you don't go to a hotel and not ask about a safe. At check in I did just that, getting the lock and key for the safe in the room. The next morning as we headed to the pool phones and cameras got put in the safe. Either because I didn't hear, or forgot, or whatever, the lady's camera was left out by mistake. We came back later to the room to get cameras for some snap fun and upon opening the safe found no camera. Then it dawned on us that maybe I had never put it in in the first place.

The room had been cleaned already. Searched high and low, the camera was not to be found. We emptied out the safe and looked around inside it with a torch light.

The camera was gone.

While annoying, it wasn't a disaster. We still had my camera and there were no pictures on the stolen one. We reported it to the front desk, were made to feel like idiots because "Nobody would steal from the room so you must have lost it." and moved on.

A sign was posted on the stairs, asking if anybody found a camera and to hand it in. We thought no more about it. Until five days later when I was getting something out of the safe I found the camera, large as life, sitting in amongst our things.

Now, this was annoying. Both of us had searched the safe, the camera was not there. Yet here it was, five days later. Pictures that we had taken just before it disappeared were deleted. The lady friend then noticed that the sign about a missing camera had been taken down.

The obvious answer is that the hotel got the camera back from whomever took it and used a second key to place it in the safe, presumably hoping that we wouldn't ask any questions about its return. We decided to not tell them it was back (because they already knew that themselves) and just kept it with us at all times. Why the little spy game? I dunno, but at least the camera was returned.

The new experience for me on this holiday was the Brits. Those feckers that are always the loudest and most annoying of people in hotels. I've never gone on a sun holiday before that involved just lounging around the poolside, so I had never experience the "claiming" that goes on for seats at the best locations. I always thought it was just some sort of stereotyping joke, like the Irish being a bunch of drunks that always say "Top of the mornin'". Turns out it isn't.

The first morning there we got up late enough, as in just after nine, and nearly every foot of pool area had already been claimed. It was shocking. It is like they never really got it out of their genes to stop claiming land that isn't their's by right. Go on holiday, claim the best spots, appease that craving deep in your soul to be the best Brit you can be.

I figured I would get up earlier the next morning and see if I could join in the fun. That's right, in order to beat them I had to join them at their own game. I had to stoop to that level, it was disgraceful.

I got up at half eight and was amazed to see the place was packed already. But unlike the day before, these people were just marking their territory, since the pool chairs were all locked up. They waited for a solid half hour just to get set up.

The worst thing was the poor caretaker guy that came out to unlock the seats. There were roughly two hundred chairs for a hotel that had a lot less than two hundred guests. These were stacked up around the pool in about seven or eight piles. The man would come out, unlock one pile, then move on. But as he was unlocking one stack those Brits nearest him would crowd around him like zombies looking at a human for breakfast. As soon as the chain was unwrapped from the last leg they would all push forward, and the caretaker would have to push through the crowd just to get by. Manners it would seem is something that Brits just never will have.

But aside from lying hotel thieves and zombie Brits that continuously shouted "Pool Recliners" it was an amazing holiday with the lady friend.

Now onto this new job lark.


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