Dear Spanish Students

03-02-2011

Dear Spanish Students,

Welcome to Ireland. But please do pay heed to some of the information I am about to dispense to you here. This information splurge shall begin...now.

The Dart is a form of public transport, used every day to get across the city. During the "rush hour" periods the carriages of the Dart will be fairly packed with people going to/coming home from work. Just a quick note: a Dart carriage is not a Tardis. It is not bigger on the inside than it seems on the outside. In fact the opposite would be more accurate, taking into account how poorly designed the seating layout is. So if a Dart pulls up to your station all one million of you waiting on the platform (actual figure may vary, but it would be at least two million) can't just force your way on. This is for a number of reasons.

Reason 1) As mentioned already, it's a Dart not a Tardis. Ergo you won't all get on an empty Dart.

Reason 2) It isn't an empty Dart, because people are using it to get to work. Therefore there is even less space inside.

Reason 3) You don't all have to try and get into the same fucking carriage. Funny thing about the Dart is it has more than one carriage, which will also have people on it going to work.

Now, assuming you have actually all pushed and shoved your way onto one carriage, please be aware of the following social ethic.

I know you all probably have the same level of English usually heard only from an illegal immigrant working in McDonalds, but if you bump and shove into people apologise. If you say "excuse me" or "pardon me" we will get you didn't mean to smash your elbow into my back during one of those famous "Stop/Start" moments of the Dart. If you even said it in Spanish the words sound close enough to the English equivalent that we could work it out. Failing a verbal response the universal hand gesture for "I'm sorry" is language neutral, use it.

Incidentally I'm sorry for angling my elbow to such a degree that the next time you came crashing towards me it caught you nicely on your neck. But what's an elbow between friends, right?

Next up on the list of advice: please take note of the location of handrails on the carriage you all invaded. They are the canary yellow poles placed throughout the carriage. The six foot three ginger Irish man standing against the wall is not some modern art kind of pole that you can reach out to, blindly, and use to steady yourself on your travels.

This is Ireland, not Spain. We don't hold well with your Picasso styling for simple things such as handrails.

Finally, but no less important, it's half eight in the fucking morning. Shut the fuck up being so cheery you bastards.

Welcome to Ireland.

Blue_jester

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